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Peanut Butter Blossoms

In light of the flurry of diet, weight loss, and “cleanse” chatter we see every January, we’d like to take a second to affirm each and every one of your rights to opt out of diet culture.

You are not a “before.” You are not a result waiting to happen. You are, exactly as you are today and as you were last year, a perfectly imperfect, complete person that deserves love, fair treatment, respect, kindness, and the occasional cookie.

Losing weight is not going to give your life some dramatic new meaning. Losing weight will not make you a different person, a kinder friend, a better parent, or a more understanding spouse. It won’t make you better at your job, smarter, or more likely to pay your bills on time. It’s not going to make you the type of roommate who takes out the trash before it’s tits high. It’s not going to make you less likely to hit the snooze button ten times every morning. It won’t make you remember to actually call your grandmother once in a while.

Losing weight is not going to make you more attractive. “Attractive” is relative, and attraction is a spectrum. If someone doesn’t want to fuck you now, they aren’t going to want to fuck you 20lbs from now, because, simply, they don’t want to fuck you. Remember: you aren’t going to become a new person, and anyone who wants to bang just because of how you look isn’t worth their weight in lube (or your precious time).

Losing weight isn’t even going to make you healthier. Sure, there are lots of studies that show eating well and increasing activity can make most people feel better and have better “health outcomes”— like lower blood pressure and decreased likelihood of being dead a bunch— because fucking obviously. But eating your greens and moving around aren’t the same thing as losing weight: they’re habits, stuff you actually do, and are things that loads of fat people do all the time. All of those great benefits aren’t related to a loss of pounds, they are related to living the best life you are able, and folks who live better but stay fat see all the same benefits as people who might lose some weight.

The only things we do know about weight loss dieting: It can irreversibly fuck up your metabolic and cardiovascular systems. You will almost certainly regain whatever you lose. Eating fewer calories than you need (a.k.a. starving yourself) makes it physically impossible for you to meet your body’s vitamin, mineral, macro/micronutrient demands. And that malnutrition can cause poor cognitive function, hair loss, and, you know, not being alive anymore.

If your weight loss resolution was thinly veiled under the guise of being “healthier.” Mazel.  Stick to the idea of making changes to your health. But do it in ways we know give you good results instead of clinging to some obnoxious Western beauty ideals. Eat the most well balanced and varied diet you can afford. Move your body in ways that make it feel good. Have enriching relationships with people who give a shit. Reduce stress. Get access to affordable preventative medical care. And, most important, see yourself as being someone worth this level of care; love yourself exactly as you are today.

Not ONE of those things has to do with your weight. Not one.

(and please see a giant dump of peer reviewed academic studies supporting these claims here)

Also please remember: not every person’s body can be healthy. Some of us are physically ill. Some of us are mentally ill. Some of us are injured. Some of us are disabled. And some of us are never getting “better.” We are not immortal; every one of us is living on borrowed time. Being healthy is not mandatory for living a valid life.

The bottom line is that you deserve so much better than putting your life on hold until you meet some arbitrary number on a scale.

Stop putting off plans. Stop canceling on friends. Stop waiting to get married, buy a swimsuit, join a gym, travel, try that new restaurant, have a baby, volunteer, or get laid. Stop hiding in pictures. Stop erasing yourself from your own life because it’s the only one you will get. You could get hit by a bus tomorrow and will have missed out on LIVING all because you have been brainwashed to believe that some bodies are better than others and anyone achieving less than this false perfection must spend their days atoning for perceived deficiencies rather than actually living.

So, please. Go throw your scale out the window and eat a fucking cookie.

Peanut Butter Blossoms

Adapted from America’s Test Kitchen

  • 2 ¾ cups Flour
  • ½ tsp salt
  • ½ tsp Baking Soda
  • ½ tsp Baking Powder
  • 1 cup Peanuts, the roasted and salted kind
  • 2 sticks Butter
  • ¾ cup Brown Sugar
  • ¾ cup Granulated Sugar
  • 1 cup Peanut Butter- not the time for homemade nut butters, kids. You need a consistent fat-other stuff ratio for baking.
  • 2 Eggs
  • 2 tsp Vanilla
  • 1 bag good Chocolate Chips- we used Ghiradelli’s 60% baking chips

Makes about 25 cookies.

Preheat your oven to 375°.

Dump the Flour, Salt, Baking Soda, Baking Powder and Peanuts into your food processor or blender and pulse until you have a coarse meal— like uncooked polenta or grits.

Cream together Butter and Sugars. Add the Peanut Butter, followed by the Eggs, one at a time, and Vanilla. Combine with the dry ingredients; it will be a sturdy kind of crumbly dough.

Drop 1 inch blobs of dough onto a parchment. Bake until just starting to brown on the bottom (about 15 minutes), and immediately shove three Chocolate Chips in the top. We go with Chocolate Chips because 1) those chocolate drops taste like balls and 2) with three individual pieces of chocolate, you get a little bit in each bite.


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    Everyone Needs To Read This.
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