The radiators in both of our apartments kicked on last night. Fall is almost here. Figured we probably should make a cake to celebrate.…
“Peach Hand Pie” sound like the punchline to a dirty food pun. Probably is. But it’s also the best thing we’ve eaten this summer.
n case y’all haven’t noticed: we like to eat. And, when we don’t get fed, we go from zero to I-will-eat-your-soul real fast.
Hangry was OK when we were in college, but as adults, it ain’t cute. Hanger has ruined dates and meetings– and maaaybe could have been the motivation behind one or two (hundred) strongly worded emails to customer service representatives. Maybe.
We deserve better. The poor souls dealing with the brunt of our food rage deserve better. In an effort to make our lives and the world a bit of a less grump’ed upon place, we started to carry snacks. Everywhere.
Tea fixes everything.
Whether it’s shitty days and broken hearts or jittery nerves and stuffy noses, there’s a blend that can bring us back from the brink of any disaster. Constant Comment tastes like Rachel’s Gramma’s old kitchen and cheers her up on even the worst days, Sleepytime is the obvious choice for a sleepless night and chills us out better than Xanax, but we get the most relief from the stuff we mix ourselves from the pantry….
It’s that time of year where mornings are getting hard. Maybe it’s our S.A.D., or maybe it’s survival instinct hibernation, but we can’t get our asses out of bed. Everything’s grey, and it’s windy, and it’s too cold to put our bare toes on the floor. We always oversleep so there’s no time for the luxuriating over trashy gossip mags with milky coffee that makes our day jobs tenable— but there is time for breakfast.
Baked Oatmeal tastes like cookies. No. Baked Oatmeal tastes better than cookies, because you can eat more of it before you get a tummy ache. With its bright, sunny lemon and juicy blueberries, it can shake the bleak chill off any winter morning. Make a batch on Sunday night and you will have a week of breakfasts that are worth waking up for.
This is one of our many recipes that is a few ratios followed by a couple suggestions. So long as you don’t add wildly different amounts of oats or liquids, there’s no need to be bashful. Fuck around with it. Throw in a handful of walnuts or slivered almonds, swap blueberries for dried cherries, and maybe try classic, comforting maple & cinnamon instead of lemon.
- 3 cups Old Fashioned Rolled Oats
- ¼ cup whole Flax Seeds
- 1 cup Brown Sugar
- 1 Lemon, Zest only
- 1 tsp Ginger
- ½ tsp Cardamom
- ¾ tsp Salt
- 1 cup Blueberries (or more, if you feel feisty)
- 1 stick Butter, melted
- 1 cup Whole Milk
- 2 Egg, beaten
- 1 tbsp Vanilla
- Some ice cold Milk or Half and Half for serving
- Preheat your oven to 375°.
- Combine all of the dry ingredients, along with the Blueberries, in a 13x9” casserole dish.
- In a small sauce pan, melt the Butter with the Whole Milk. Allow the mixture to cool enough to not curdle shit, and add the Eggs and Vanilla. Thoroughly blend the mixture and pour over the Oats n Stuff.
- Give everything a stir, and make sure it’s evenly distributed.
- Bake for about 20 minutes, or until set and no longer jiggly.
- Serve immediately or allow the Oatmeal to cool to room temperature and stick it in the fridge. Serve warm, topped with some cold Milk (or Half and Half) and maybe a scattering of extra Blueberries
Sometimes you need a cookie right fucking now. No time to preheat the oven or scoop out 24 and arrange them on a tray. Just one perfect, warm, gooey, crunchy, chewy cookie in less than three minutes from batter to face.
This beautiful witchcraft is possible with the help of your waffle iron. It quickly browns the outside to crispy perfection, and sets the middle into molten cookie lava. You can use your George Foreman or a panini press or those awesome triangle pocket sandwich makers that turned slices of white bread into hotpockets. Anything that makes direct, nonstick contact with the entire surface of the cookie.
These are the type of snacks that are for eating alone, in your kitchen, in your underpants. It’s an ideal recipe for folks with not much space, not much time, living in dorms, or the, uh, inebriationally challenged. But they also work for company. We’ve totally served them for folks we hoped to impress as a base for ice cream and cajeta when we didn’t want to heat up the kitchen.
- 1 stick Unsalted Butter
- ⅔ cup Dark Brown Sugar
- 2 Eggs
- 1 tsp Vanilla
- ¾ cup All-Purpose Flour
- ½ tsp Baking Soda
- ¼ tsp Salt
- 1 tsp Cinnamon
- ⅛ tsp Ground Ginger
- 1 ½ cups Old Fashioned Oats (not instant, y'all)
- 8 oz Mexican Chocolate, with cinnamon and chilies, roughly chopped
- Cooking spray or a paper towel with canola oil is helpful, but not necessary.
- Turn on your waffle iron or George Forman.
- In a large bowl, cream the Butter and Sugar until fluffly. Add Eggs and Vanilla, mix to combine. Fold in All-Purpose Flour, Baking Soda, Salt, Spices, and Oats. Once the batter starts coming together, add the Mexican Chocolate and stir until just combined.
- Lightly spray or wipe your now ripping hot waffle iron with oil. Place a large spoonful, about 3tbsp, half way in between the center and the hinge, and close the lid. In a few seconds steam will start coming out from the sides of the waffle iron. When the steam stops, your cookie is ready to eat, but we like to let it go 20 seconds to get extra crispy.
- Repeat for as many cookies as you need. The dough keeps in the fridge for about 4 days.
Putting booze into our sweet tea is the best decision we’ve made all summer. It’s better than swimming pools, better than bonfires, and it’s even better than walking to the Tasty-Freez, ordering a chocolate dipped vanilla cone, and dipping each bite into a side of sprinkles.
It took us a while to reach the right formula for this cocktail. We knew right away that bourbon was the best liquor for the job, and were pretty passionate about using peaches, but something was missing. We needed something to round out the warmth of the alcohol and sharpen the fuzzy sweetness of peaches. Pouring through Rachel’s liquor cabinet we found a bottle of Koval’s Ginger Liqueur and its spicy sweet bite was the perfect fit.
Koval is a Chicago distillery located in the Andersonville neighborhood. We’re kind of obsessed. Their weird liqueurs and wonderful white whiskey are one of our favorite parts of Logan Square’s farmer’s market, and we really love their community oriented business model. They use organic Midwestern grain, grown sustainably at nearby farms and support more local organizations and projects than we could ever list. Other than the Ginger stuff, for this cocktail (which is essential for dark and stormies and hot toddies) we’re really into their Chrysanthemum and Honey Liqueur. It’s delicate and flowery and really fucking yummy.
- 6 Black Tea Bags– nothing fancy, we like Luzianne because Rachel’s Boyfriend’s Very Southern Mother said so.
- 1 quart Water
- ½ cup Brown Sugar
- 1 cup Peach Nectar
- 2 Peaches, washed pitted and sliced
- Good Bourbon
- Koval’s Ginger Liqueur or you can make your own
- a BUNCH of Ice Cubes
- Serves: well, sugar, that depends on how thirsty you are. This will make a gigantic pitcher’s worth of hooch.
- Bring Water to a hard boil in a saucepan. Add Brown Sugar and continue to boil for 30 seconds. Turn off your stove and, away from any open flame, add Tea Bags and Peach Nectar. Let the tea steep for at least 30 minutes, or until cooled to room temperature.
- Add the Sweet Tea mixture to your favorite pitcher, with about ½ cup each Bourbon and Ginger Liqueur, adjusting for your own personal preferences and tolerances, and your Peach Slices. Pour into frosty glasses full to the top with Ice, and drink it on a porch with your shoes off.